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Senseless Thoughts

There are lots of things in life talaga na hindi kayang i-explain ng aking coconut-milking brains (translation: gumagatang-utak) at di kayang i-elucidate ng aking superbly-superior brains cells. Kasi naman, shuckzzz, over to max ang lalim as in mas deep pa sa kailaliman ng Mariana’s Trench (that is the deepest depression in the world, in case you don’t know at hindi ka kasing intelligent ko..hehe!).  I don’t know who originated, concocted, designed, developed, conceive those stuffs, siguro mas matalino pa sila kay Einstein at kay King Solomon kasi know nila ang mga things-things(translation: bagay-bagay) na yun.       

Here are some of those perplexing thoughts…. 

1.  Utak Talangka (commonly used to describe envious nature of a person)   

      Napa-isip talaga ako sa phrase na ito at tinanong ko ang aking sarili, “May utak nga ba ang talangka?”.  Nagtaka talaga ako, so I did serious research on this matter, as in ni-research ko talaga, sa Google, Yahoo, Wikipedia, Altavista, Microsoft Encarta at kung saan-saan pa just to find evidence kung may utak nga ba ang talangka.  Wala…none…nothing…nada…niente…nichts…zero…not a single article that confirms na may brains yung talangka.  Ask ko yung mga fishermen kasi nga sila ang may authority sa ganoong mga things-things, problema hindi din nila alam at wala daw silang paki-alam kung may utak ang talangka o wala.  Wala nga daw silang pakialam kay Jun Lozada sa talangka pa kaya (may point din naman).  According to my “intelligent” (confirmation needed) friend may utak daw ang talangka kasi paano sila mabubuhay ‘pag walang brains, may point din naman sya, kaya lang ang mga human being nga na walang utak nabubuhay talangka pa kaya.  Nakapagtataka talaga…may utak nga ba ang talangka?  Buti sana kung buhay pa si Ka Ernie, ask natin sa kanya kaso nakikipagpalitan na siya ngayon ng trivia kay San Pedro.

2.  Panahon ni Kopong-kopong (used to describe anything that is obsolete and baduy)             

My quad core brain is wondering talaga, who is Kopong-kopong ba? Anong era ba siya nag-exist sa earth?  Sino kaya mas naunang mag-exist sa earth? Mga dinosaurs o si Kopong-kopong? Ano kaya apelyido nya o baka naman screen name nya lang yung Kopong-kopong? Kawawa naman yung tao, palagi nalang ina-accuse na walang fashion sense.     

3.  Anak ng teteng (Favorite line ni Sen. Bong Revilla sa movies nya)          

    I’m curious, ano ba yung teteng? Kasi ang alam kong teteng palayaw ng isang maganda, matalino at seksi na babae.  Naisip ko lang na baka parang exam na fill-in the blanks yung statement.  Just like this:  Anak ka ng teteng ______________. 

     Pero ang mas pinagtataka ko, bakit nagging senador si Bong Revilla? Ano ba K nya?  It’s just a thought…. maybe a senseless one, but a thought nevertheless (charot!) 

Green and Funny Stuffs

Mga Makabagong Kasabihan (Kabadingang Edition)

1. “Aanhin mo ang gwapo kung mas malandi pa sayo!?”
2. “Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare.”
3. “Wala nang hihigit pa sa malansang isda, kundi ang isang balahurang bakla.”
4. “Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang iyong ka relasyon.”
5. “Ang tumatakbo ng matulin, may gwapong hahabulin”
6. “Matalino man ang bading, na peperahan pa rin.” 

 Songs of Married Couple 
First Night: Aray Naku!

1-5 Years:  Araw- araw Gabi gabi

6-15 Years: Paminsan minsan

16-25 Years: Sana Kahit Minsan

26-49 Years: Gaano kadalas ang Minsan

50 and up:  Maalaala mo Kaya

 The Heights 
Height of Poverty:  Wife’s stitching husband’s condom

Height of Innocence: A girl applying Clearasil 2 her nipols thinking that they are pimples.

Height of Ambition: An ant climbing on the elephant leg with a motive of rape.

Height of Unemployment: A spider web found in prostitute’s pusssiey.

Height of Laziness:  A man sleeping on the top of a woman expecting an  earthquake to do the rest.
 

Government Project Do Not Delay

 Anak:  Tay, ano po magandang gawin kasi yung panty ng girlfriend ko may nakatatak na “No Entry”.

Tatay:  Easy lang anak, yung brief mo markahan mo ng “Government Project Do Not Delay”.

(Mula sa comment ni tina0018) 

MAN1: nagagalit sakin misis ko kapag inuuwi ko sa bahay yung mga hindi ko natapos na trabaho.
MAN2: bakit, ano ba ang trabaho mo pare?
MAN1: embalsamador!
————
NURSE: nasa isip mo ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: siyempre man! OO!
[Nurse natuwa..]
NURSE: asan ba pamilya mo?
BALIW: nasa isip ko. Tanga ba you?
————
Si Mister nakita 3 butil ng bigas at 25pesos sa drawer ni Misis.
MR: ano to?
MRS: uhm honey, magtatapat na ko. Tuwing nagtataksil ako sayo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.
MR: eh ano yang 25pesos?
MRS: nung naging 1 kilo ang bigas, binenta ko na. Sayang eh!

Bugs Wisdom

Paunawa:  Ang inyong mababasa sa akdang ito ay hindi galing sa taong nag ngangalang Felixberto Baguyo, Jr., a friend and colleague of mine na mas kilala bilang Sir Bags. Because if it is so, sigurado puro green ang mababasa nyo…  

During my grueling and boring days, when I was working on my thesis for my master’s degree I tumbled upon a very nice and very relaxing computer game…the TUMBLEBUGS. It is not an online game, not even a multiplayer game.  It is so simple that you don’t need to memorize a lot of complicated shortcuts and other strategies that often used in Massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) or any other RPG’s.  It is so simple that anybody who has a common sense of a three-year old can play this one.  I found it so relaxing and a good way to de-stressed.  Aside from that, what really make Tumblebugs special are the tips shown at the end of the every round.  Some of these tips are the cool, funny, hilarious, amusing, witty, sarcastic but quite true proverbs.  Here are some of my favorites…

  (Shucckss! Dumudugo ang ilong ko! Tissue please…) 

• A bit of hard work never killed anyone – but why risk it?

• Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

• Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

• Quando omni flunkus moritati (when all else fails, play dead).

• Everything your mother ever warned you about is true.

• Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t, why you should.

• Politician and diapers should both be changed regularly,  and for the same reason.

• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.

• Never test the depth of water with both feet.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.

• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

• If you want your spouse to pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

• It is far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.

• Never to trust dog to watch your food.

• Never bother to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.

• If you don’t pay you exorcist, you get repossessed.

• The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

• a likely impossibility us always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.

What Turn You On…?

 What turns you on? Well, 99.9% of male population would say big boobs, nice ass, slim waist, seksi hips, long legs and so on. While the 95% (another proof that females are smarter  than males) would say tall, dark and handsome with six-pack abs, solid chest, awesome biceps and mostly the part of  male anatomy which they hope would be above the normal measurement(owwwhh common you know what I mean).

      On this subject, I’m proud to declare that I belong to the upper 5% elite female populace who didn’t drool (as in naglalaway) over those studs.  Personally, I always like nerdy-brainy geek men.  The kind of guy who fixes their hair in Jose Rizal fashion as in nationalistic and dating and yung tipong Clark Kent and porma…yummy!  This kind of guy is my “turn-on” not the usual brawn with no brain jocks who’s IQ is lower than the measurement of their p@#is.  Most of these type of guy are usually self-centered, arrogant bastard who think they’re God given gifts to women. Well, of course, with exception to few.

          Those cutie nerdy-brainy-geeky type of guys usually lack of social skills which on the other hand, perfect by the social animals.  Simple looking cannot justify the essence of these men, you have to SEE them.  They’re the epitome of the saying “Do not judge the book without cover” “Do not judge the books with its cover” you have to see what’s inside (especially inside their zipper…oopps…).

          Talking to these type of guys would move your IQ a notch higher, because they’re so deep, as if you’re diving in Mariana’s trench kapag kausap sila.  Smart, intelligent, witty and funny that’s what they are, just don’t go into technical details kung ayaw mong mahilo at dumugo ang ilong mo.

          Where the 3-inches heels could you find this type of guy? Well, obviously you can’t usually find them at parties or bars or resto.  Try to look for them at libraries, computer and science laboratories and internet cafes.  In malls, they could be spotted at bookstores, computer shops and places where you could find latest gadgets.  They’re few, actually almost borderline to being an endangered species, and if could find one don’t simply look what’s outside you’ve got to see what’s inside their brain and heart and you will be amazed of what you could find.  And on the second thought maybe you could find what’s inside their zipper too…

TANGA: The Definition

TA . NGA [ta-`ngah]

— noun

1.  taong ayaw magka-boyfriend pero nagrereklamong single.
2. lalaking mahilig mambabae tapos nagugulat everytime ayaw pagkatiwalaan ng mga babae.
3. ex mong iniwan ka for some unknown reason then biglang magpapa-ramdam  ulit after Jurassic years.
4. taong pilit na naghihintay sa taong wala naming balak dumating
5. babae o lalakeng ilang beses na naloko sa pare-parehong dahilan pero di natututo.
6. mag-jowang araw-araw nag-aaway pero hinding-hindi daw sila maghihiwalay. 
7. textmate na nagbibigay ng load/pasaload pero hindi naman tini-text nang kanyang pinagbibigyan ng load ngunit patuloy paring nagbibigay ng load.
8. taong magpapa-kamatay sa para sa taong wala namang pakialam.

—Related forms

 
Ka.ta.nga.han, adjective

Ta.ta.nga.ta.nga, verb

Ta.nge.ngot, noun

 
—Synonyms

          Hangal, gunggong, estupido/a, gago/a, ungas, walang kwenta,

walang saysay, luko-luko, luka-luka , bobo.

UTOT: The Definition

Nothing feels better than a nice, loud utot lalo na kapag nag-ala-twister na ang masamang hangin sa tiyan mo.  Mabaho man at nakakahiya, we have to admit that nothing feels better than emitting that gaseous bad elements from our system, nakakaginhawa ng buhay nagiging masaya ang world.

Ang “Utot” ay salitang tagalog na nanganaghulugang ang hangin na lumalabas sa isang parte ng ating katawan na may kakaibang amoy.   Ang utot ay parang “universal language” sa Pilipinas kasi kahit saang sulok ka ng beautiful country Philippines mula Batanes hangang Jolo ay siguradong gets nila na iyon ay mabahong hangin na lumalabas sa iyong anus as in wetpu.

In all languages merong salita para sa utot:

In English:

• flatulence
• flatus
• fart
• aerosolized stool
• anal acoustics
• anal oxide
• anus evacuation
• arse blast
• silent killer
• and many more……

In French: Flatulence

In German: Blähung

In Spanish: flatulencia

In Italian: flatulenza

In Russian: напыщенность (try mo nga basahin at i-pronounce…)

In Chinese: chou pi

Definition: 

flat·u·lent [fláchələnt], adjective
flat·u·lence, noun
-flat·u·lent·ly, adverb

1.     causing gas in digestive system: causing excessive gas flatus to be created in the stomach and intestines

2.      full of digestive gas: having excessive gas flatusin the digestive system

3.      pompous or self-important: having or showing excessive self-importance (literary)

[Late 16th century. Via French < modern Latin flatulentus < Latin flatus "blowing, blast" < flare "to blow"] 
Ayon sa Microsoft ® Encarta ® 2007 ito ang kahulugan ng utot: 

Flatulence is presence of excessive amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines. Most of the gas in the stomach consists of atmospheric nitrogen and oxygen that have been swallowed. The nitrogen is largely unobservable and travels on through the intestines. Additional gases, principally carbon dioxide, methane, and hydrogen, are formed within the intestines. The carbon dioxide, produced by fermentation, is largely absorbed. The other gases, produced by incomplete digestion of foods rich in starch or cellulose, such as beans or cabbage, are eventually expelled from the rectum as flatus. The disagreeable odor of flatus is caused by several sulfur compounds, particularly by mercaptans. Large amounts of gas in the stomach or intestines may cause distention and pain.Anak ng kamote, kaya pala utot ka ng utot pag kumain ka ng kamote.  Ang utot ay isang napaka simple at ordinaryong word pero maaring mauutot ka at dumugo ang ilong mo sa kakabasa ng explanation kung bakit umutot ang tao.   

Just a thought…Umuutot din ba ang mga fish? 

Eto Ako!

 I’m tired of being called bro or man or kuya or pare…. Ano ba!? Look at the picture mukha ba akong lalaki!?  Ganda-ganda ko kaya, at ang seksi-seksi pa! Hindi joke yun, yun lang talaga ang paniniwala ko at please huwag na kayong kumontra. This is my blog! Walang paki-alamanan. Okey….ha…okey!!!!

Para sa lahat ng mga katambay ko, gusto ko pong malaman nyo na isa akong girlash, as in girl, babae, female, girlaloo.  An epitome of the phrase “feme fatale “.  Medyo astigin at siga nga lang 

Ang  listahan sa ibaba ay ang mga things-things (bagay-bagay) about me.  Aking Resume/Description/ Biodata/atbp

• Nagtuturo at tinuturuan
• Graduate ng Master of Arts in Gaming – Major in Solitaire (bweeheeee!)
• Minsan nangarap na maging Astronaut
• Nag-uulam ng tinapay sa kanin
• Mahilig magka-crush sa mga Geeks
• Palaging may order na extra rice.
• Tinaguriang “Punch Line Girl” sa Graduate School
• Love Math
• Hate Math
• Mahilig sa love songs na oldies at alternative pop rock
• 28 years old na feeling 18 years old at may pusong 8 years old
• Ako na marahil ang nag-iisang Pilipino na hindi idol si Manny Pacqiuao
• I don’t like boxing pero favorite anime character ko si Makonuchi Ippo
• Mahilig sa Romantic Comedies, Animated Movies, mga pelikula na malalim ang istorya.
• Favorite books ko ang Harry Potter Books (1-7), Digital Fortress, The Blue Nowhere at Da Vinci Code.
• Mahilig din sa romance novels both English at Tagalog
• Favorite authors ko si J.K Rowling, Dan Brown at Helen Meriz
• Imbyerna ako sa mga novels ni Tom Clancy
• Umaasa na darating si Prince Charming
• I still believe in happy endings
• Mas gusto ko lechon kesa chocolate, batchoy kesa halo-halo
• I’m not intelligent; I just have a lot of intelligent friends
• Hindi ako genius, ma-diskarte lang
• I read a lot, kahit label ng lata ng sardinas binabasa ko
• Nag-babasa din ako habang pumo-popo
• Certified Assessor ng TESDA for PC Operation NC2
• Bumibili ako ng pirated dvd/cd kahit alam kong illegal
• Nagda-download din ako ng mp3 kahit alam kong illegal
• Nakapag-laro na ng strip tong-its (pinoy version ng strip poker)
• Paboritong tumambay sa HRM department kasi palaging may pagkain
• May sixth sense at third-eye pagdating sa kainan
• Mamang ang tawag ko sa aking mga close friends
• Bad trip sa mga mayayabang at papansin
• Hindi ako pwedeng mamatay ng hindi nakapunta ng Disneyland
• I love rain (as in yung ulan hindi yung artista)
• I don’t want be a 30-year old virgin
• Hindi ako sumama sa outing sa Boracay, kasi hindi ako mahilig sa beach.
• Naiiyak sa mga sad scenes sa movies
• Naiinis sa mga nag-yoyosi sa mga pampublikong lugar at sasakyan
• Respect and thou shalt be respected
• Hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin gets kung ano ang maganda sa Starwars at Matrix, aside kay Natalie Portman at Keanu Reeves
• Sobrang paborito ng nanay ko ang wowoweee at idol nya si Willie
• Napa-plastikan ako kay Willie
• Certified PC Operation NC2 certificate holder
• Biggest turn-off ang bobo at mayabang
• Passer ng Sub-Prof at Prof exam ng Civil Service
• I hate politics and politicians
• Ayokong maging presidente ng Pilipinas kahit ipilit pa sa akin ang posisyon
• Nag-loan para makabili ng laptop
• “Highly Satisfactory” ang rating sa Thesis Final Defense sa Masteral. HS is
• equivalent to 1.25, muntik ng ma-perfect.
• E-Learning: Its Effect on Students’ Performance in Algebra ang title ng Thesis ko.
• Mababaw ang kaligayahan
• Mababaw ang luha
• Boyish na may pusong bakla
• Ayoko ko sa possessive na boyfriend
• Sa mga housemates sa bahay ni Big Bro, I identify myself with Nene & Gaby
• Hindi ako mahilig maki-alam at ayoko ko ring pinapaki-alaman
• Medyo may pagka-manhid
• Palaging 5 minutes late
• I spent more money on books than in clothes
• Sinubukan kong basahin ang Holy Bible word-by-word pero hanggang Chronicles lang nakaya ko.
• As much as possible ina-avoid kong mag mura
• Disorganize at makalat (I call it  my organized mess)
• I invest on my brains rather than on my looks
• I have huge eye bags when I cry
• I love collecting candy colored socks
• I am experiencing midlife crises right now. 
• Naghahanap ng matinong boyfriend.